Pants fees will boost profits, says analyst
Michael O’Looney, CEO of cheapskate airline Whyanair, today announced that from next month passengers will need to pay a surcharge if they wish to wear clothing on his planes.
“Clothing is weight and so adds to our fuel costs, and it also complicates security checks”, he explained with a wry grin, “so in line with our policy of charging for everything we can possibly think of, we’re introducing this charge. It’s strictly optional of course, if you don’t want to bring clothing onto the flight there’s no need to pay.”
Jamie Broker-Henderson, a posh nob at some pompous-sounding financial firm, said that he was marking up Whyanair stock as a result of the move, “O’Looney’s pulled another master stroke from up his sleeve”, he guffawed, “Everyone’s saying that people are tightening their belts at the moment, but Michael’s passengers will have to pay before they can wear one at all.”